Rich men hate natural hair (and other anti-blackisms)
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Today I watched a response video to the claim that ‘high-value’ men do not like natural hair.
Yes, I had the same reaction. There are so many things to unpack here.
I’ve written about desirability before (‘Desirability politics and why I’m no longer talking about it’) and more recently I wrote for another magazine about decentering men from desirability. Needless to say, this new take on natural hair and how it shapes desirability for black women in the eyes of ‘high-value men’ deserves some discussion.
I take issue with the statement firstly because I don’t entirely understand what is meant by a ‘high-value’ man. High-earning? Highly-educated? It seems that this content creator was, whether intentionally or unintentionally, equating a man’s wealth and financial status with his value. Twitter jokes aside, this way of thinking can be quite harmful.
While I am an advocate for black women prioritising emotional as well as financial stability in a romantic relationship, this idea that what you have/how much you earn = who you are/your value finds its roots in white patriarchal capitalistic thinking. This ideology has capitalised off of the vulnerability of black bodies in anti-black spaces and precarious economic systems for decades*.
While saving my anti-capitalist and anti-consumerist rants for another day, it doesn’t take rocket science to understand how black people subscribing to capitalist and surface-level consumerist thinking, especially without widespread financial literacy is muy mal. Not only is this financial frame of mind unsustainable, but it’s ultimately harmful to black communities all over the globe who are reeling from centuries of economic disenfranchisement and exploitation.
Essentially, it causes a lot of problems. But, we can save that for another day.
My next issue was with the fact that the creator’s entire viewpoint centred on how men viewed her to determine how she presented herself. In my previous post above, I was honest about how my past interactions with men have at times influenced how I view myself. As I wrote, “we want to be desired by those we desire, and when we are, it feels good.”
I also expressed that I understand that natural hair can be political and within the world of desirability politics, how you wear your hair can influence your relational prospects. People have preferences, and this isn’t entirely bad.
Nonetheless, the point I made then is the same point that I’m making now. Women have to actively divest from the line of thinking that the ‘best’, ‘prettiest’, or most ‘attractive’ version of themselves is an image that is easily consumable and tailored to suit the demands of male viewership.
Without being reductive as I understand the inevitability of self-confidence often coinciding with external attention or validation, it’s harmful to pin your entire idea of self-love on a man’s acceptance of you (or your hair).
I also acknowledge that while I’m writing from a clearly heteronormative standpoint, I think the message is universally applicable. Our bodies, our faces, and even our hair are not all that we are. While we should feel comfortable within our bodies, we shouldn’t allow these glorified skin suits and how others view them to dictate how we understand and value ourselves.
Moving on to natural hair specifically, I find it interesting that this Youtuber decided to make the transition from being a natural hair blogger to ‘black femininity guru’ as it aligned with her decision to start dating in Atlanta. She made the statement that these so-called ‘high-value’ men in the city (i.e. rich men) don’t like natural hair. For this reason, she was switching up her whole look.
Now, I have a love-dislike (hate is too strong a word) relationship with my hair primarily because it’s time-consuming. I also understand how frustrating finding a rhythm that works for natural hair can be. But ultimately, it’s my hair, I’ve learned how to take care of it, and I’ve grown to love it as an expression of who I am.
For anyone, speak less of a male romantic interest, to propose that my hair in its natural state poses an issue in terms of their relationship with me is almost unimaginable. As the response video creator stated, it’s quite audacious to make such a comment about someone’s natural appearance in any regard, let alone a black woman and her hair.
I don’t shame the initial video creator for harbouring the beliefs that she has. It’s evidence of years of desirability politics at play, lack of representation in the media, and anti-blackness in white society. But that doesn’t make it excusable.
We already know that black hair is often deemed ‘unprofessional’. We have said it a million times that ‘good’ hair is healthy hair and that using ‘nappy’ as an insult is anti-black. But now, we are debating why natural hair is undesirable, not for ourselves but for men, of all people.
We cannot claim to love black people, but hate black features. We cannot say that we are ‘pro-black’ but consciously and continously make decisions that are ‘pro-Eurocentrism’. And this goes both ways — for those who have the gall to suggest that naturally curly hair is undesirable as well as those who follow along and change their image to suit.
It’s not difficult to encounter anti-black sentiments in daily life, let alone when discussing a topic as sensitive as hair and desirability. But it’s time to let these phallocentric anti-black ways of thinking go. So what if rich men supposedly don’t like natural hair? It also appears that a lot of rich men aren’t too fond of being faithful, so I don’t think we should take them too seriously on that front anyway.
*I recommend bell hook’s We Real Cool chapters 1&2 (‘plantation patriarchy’ and ‘gansta culture: a piece of the action’) for more reading on this subject area
